お料理（酢豚）

More Nintendo goodness as I continue on my quest to learn to cook more than just rice. The first time I made this, I figured I'd never make it again since it was a LOT of work. But it ended up being the best tasting thing I've made so far, so I gave it another shot tonight. It went much more smoothly the second time around, so wheeeeeeee.


Sweet-and-Sour Pork

Yield: 1

Ingredients:

• 80 g pork thigh (I used chicken instead since the local store is ALWAYS out of the meat I want)
• 1 tsp sake
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• Potato starch (as needed)
• Frying oil (as needed)
• 1/4 onion
• 25 g boiled bamboo shoot (looks and smells FOUL, as you'll see, but tastes fine once cooked, I swear)
• 1/2 bell pepper (Japanese peppers are tiny, so I used a whole one)
• 10 cm carrot
• 1 dried shiitake mushroom (UGH. I definitely left this out)
• 1/2 slice canned pineapple (I used 2 whole slices)
• 1 tsp salad oil
• 1/2 tbsp water
• 1/4 tbsp potato starch
• 1/4 tsp Chinese soup stock granules
• 1/4 cup water
• 1 1/2 tbsp sugar
• 1 tbsp vinegar
• 3/4 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp ketchup
• Dash of salt

Preparation:

In a small bowl, add some lukewarm water and the 1 dried shiitake mushroom, then cover with a paper towel. Let sit for 20 minutes. Remove the mushroom once it is soft enough to be bent and pierced with a fingernail. Set aside.

In a small bowl, mix together 1/4 tsp Chinese soup stock granules, 1/4 cup water, 1 1/2 tbsp sugar, 1 tbsp vinegar, 3/4 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tsp ketchup, and dash of salt. Set aside.

Cut the 80 g of pork into 1-inch cubes. Place the pork in a small bowl, then cover with 1 tsp soy sauce and 1 tsp sake. Set aside.

This is what your grandmother's yeast infection looks like.

Cut the 25 g boiled bamboo shoot into 1-inch pieces. Peel the 10 cm carrot and cut into bite-sized pieces. Place the bamboo and carrots into a water-filled pot and turn on the heat. Boil until the carrots are a little soft, then empty both vegetables into a collander. Set aside.

Peel and cut the 1/4 of an onion into 1-inch pieces. Remove the seeds and core of the 1/2 of a bell pepper, then cut into 1-inch pieces. Cut the rehydrated shiitake mushroom into quarters. Cut the 1/2 of a pineapple slice into 6 chunks. Set aside.

In another bowl or plate, add some potato starch. Coat each of the pork cubes evenly. Set aside. (A note about this step and the next one: I decided not to deep fry any meat since I didn't have a cooking thermometer and also had no way to dispose of the used oil. What trash category would it go into?! So I simply coated my meat in flour and pan-fried it with some oil to a golden brown. But do what you like.)

In a pot, add some frying oil and heat to 180°C (356°F). Add the pork cubes and deep fry until golden brown, then turn off the heat. Put the cubes on a paper towel to drain.

In a small bowl, mix together 1/4 tbsp potato starch and 1/2 tbsp water. Set aside.

Add 1 tsp salad oil to a frying pan and set on medium heat. Stir-fry the bamboo shoots, carrots, onion, bell pepper, and shiitake mushroom. Add the soup stock mixture and bring to a boil. Add the fried pork and pineapple chunks, then bring to a light boil. Add the potato starch mixture and stir well.

Transfer to a plate and enjoy.

***

When I mentioned to people at work that I made this (they seem very concerned that I'm starving to death and so ask me about food CONSTANTLY), they declared that this wasn't a meal. A dinner without rice in Japan is apparently not even edible. So if you want to avoid the wrath of the entire country of Japan, I recommend you make some rice, too. Also, if you have the means, I'd highly recommend adding some water chestnuts to the mix. They are so choice. However, I haven't been able to find ANY in Japan, and nobody at the store had even heard of them. Alas.

ツアー

I got to go on a tour of the area the other day. I couldn't really understand the actual contents of the tour because of all the, you know, JAPANESE, but at least I have some pictures.

Some famous rocks of some sort. I think there's some legend about turtles associated with them. Um...blue?

A stone Buddha. You know, I was going to try and think of clever captions, but I guess there's not much you can say about Buddhas. Er...his head is huge?

You can't tell in this picture just how big these things are. They're BIG. Each one was going at a pretty good clip to produce energy for the town.

The view from the wind power station. I think this is about the highest point you can drive to in the area.

The age distribution in the town. Notice that my age range is the smallest, except for those who are 90+ years old. Every day I see about five or six old ladies shuffling along in the middle of the road with their walkers. Due to poor nutrition, their spines are curved 90 degrees. Though luckily, subsequent generations won't suffer the same fate. Things like watermelon and decent beef may cost at least $20, but at least they're still available.

お料理（マーボー豆腐）

Another recipe from the chefs at Nintendo. When I told people at work that I was going to make this dish, they all thought I was crazy. "But, you can buy premade packages and just heat them up! Why make it all from scratch?" Because I'm incredibly bored. So why not?


Mabo Tofu

Yield: 1

Ingredients:

• 190 g momen tofu (coarse-grained tofu)
• 40 g ground pork
• 1/3 cm fresh ginger (can you believe this measurement?)
• 1/4 garlic clove (what a waste of a clove...I put a whole one in for shits and giggles)
• 1/8 stalk scallion (um, how much again? I hate these measurements)
• 1/2 tbsp potato starch (corn starch would work just as well)
• 1 tbsp water
• 1/2 tsp sesame oil
• 1/2 tbsp salad oil (any kind of oil is fine)
• Dash of Japanese pepper (spicier than the American version)
• 1/2 tsp tobanjan (Chinese red chili paste)
• 1/4 tsp Chinese soup stock granules (some sort of spicy stock. But is it chicken? Beef? Pork? I have no idea)
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 tbsp soy sauce
• 1/2 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tbsp sake
• Dash of salt
• 1 tsp tenmenjan (black Chinese miso)

Preparation:

In a small bowl, mix together 1/4 tsp Chinese soup stock granules, 1/2 cup water, 1/2 tbsp soy sauce, 1/2 tsp sugar, 1/2 tbsp sake, dash of salt, and 1 tsp tenmenjan. Set aside.

Cut 190 g tofu into 1-cm cubes. Set aside.

Peel 1/3 cm ginger and mince finely. Peel 1/4 clove garlic and mince finely. Peel 1/8 stalk scallion and mince finely. Set aside.

In a small bowl, mix together 1/2 tbsp potato starch and 1 tbsp water. Set aside.

Add 1/2 tbsp salad oil to a frying pan and set on medium heat. Add the garlic, ginger, and scallions and cook until they begin to smell strongly. Add 1/2 tsp tobanjan and 40 g ground pork and cook until the pork turns white. Add the soup stock mixture from earlier and bring to a boil. Add the tofu and bring to a boil once more. Add the potato starch mixture and stir well. Finally, add 1/2 tsp sesame oil and turn off the heat.

Transfer the stew to a bowl and add a dash of Japanese pepper.

***

I suck at mincing. And proportions. But I thought it tasted okay nonetheless. Also, beware of the Japanese pepper! I figured it was like American pepper and added quite a bit at the end. It wasn't inedible or anything, but it was pretty spicy.

How boring. I can't believe I'm reduced to posting recipes. Hopefully things will pick up once school starts.

教科書

A story from one of the English textbooks I'll be teaching from. It was sandwiched between a story about puppies and one about a man who ran across Canada on only one leg. I wonder if anyone will say anything the day this is taught.

***

A Mother's Lullaby

A big, old tree stands by a road near the city of Hiroshima. Through the years, it has seen many things.

One summer night the tree heard a lullaby. A mother was singing to her little girl under the tree. They looked happy, and the song sounded sweet. But the tree remembered something sad.

"Yes, it was some sixty years ago. I heard a lullaby that night, too."

On the morning of that day, a big bomb fell on the city of Hiroshima. Many people lost their lives, and many others were injured. They had burns all over their bodies. I was very sad when I saw those people.

It was a very hot day. Some of the people fell down near me. I said to them, "Come and rest in my shade. You'll be all right soon."

Night came. Some people were already dead. I heard a weak voice. It was a lullaby. A young girl was singing to a little boy.

"Mommy! Mommy!" the boy cried.

"Don't cry," the girl said. "Mommy is here." Then she began to sing again.

She was very weak, but she tried to be a mother to the poor little boy. She held him in her arms like a real mother.

"Mommy," the boy was still crying.

"Be a good boy," said the girl. "You'll be all right." She held the boy more tightly and began to sing again.

After a while the boy stopped crying and quietly died. But the little mother did not stop singing. It was a sad lullaby. The girl's voice became weaker and weaker.

Morning came and the sun rose, but the girl never moved again.

お料理（ぶりの照り焼き）

Today, I cooked my first real Japanese dish.

Sure I had done some Cup Noodle, instant curry and the like, but now it was time to make something from scratch. I'm pretty hopeless in the kitchen, so this was going to be quite the task. I couldn't do it alone. I needed help.


And since I am indeed a nerd, that assistance came from my good friend Nintendo. The DS Cooking Navigator was just released in Japan, and when I saw the commercials for it on TV, I knew I had to have it.

This handy game is a portable, interactive cookbook with 200 common Japanese recipes. It will automatically adjust measurements depending on the number of people you're cooking for, and if you input whatever groceries you have in your kitchen, it will tell you what you can make.

It keeps a calendar of all the dishes you cook, allows you to plan weekly or monthly menus, and will even direct you in a "set menu" where you make a TRUE full meal (soup, salad, entree, and dessert).

A little animated chef gives you verbal (and written) intructions every step of the way. "Please prepare the frying pan. Pour in 1 tablespoon oil. Set heat to medium. Insert fish. Cook for 3 minutes. You need that timed? Let me time that for you!" and so on. When it tells you to chop onions or something, you can watch a video showing you the correct "checkerboard method" of cutting them. And of course, when you've finally completed your dish, you get a hearty bow and "Good job!" from the tiny Italian stereotype. I wonder if he has an Italian accent in Japanese. I can't tell, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Whenever you've completed a step, you shout "Okay!" to proceed to the next one. Though the voice recognition software could use some work. It kept advancing to the next step whenever I opened a Ziploc bag, but after I moved the DS further away, it was fine. You can go back by saying "modoru," and get further details on any step by saying "kuwashiku." This microphone capability is so that you can get intructions even when your hands are full or messy with food.

Here's what I made, though I replaced the yellowtail with cod since they were out at the store.


Yellowtail Teriyaki (for 1...*sigh*)

Ingredients:

• 2 slices Yellowtail (Japanese slices are SMALL)
• Flour (as needed)
• 1 tbsp salad oil (I think vegetable or olive oil would be fine)
• 20 g pickled ginger (I left this out since pickles are the devil's fruit)
• 2 tbsp mirin (also known as "sweet sake")
• 2 tbsp soy sauce
• 1/2 tbsp sugar


Preparation:

In a small bowl, mix together 1/2 tbsp sugar, 2 tbsp mirin, and 2 tbsp soy sauce. Set aside.

In another bowl or plate, add some flour. Coat each side of the fish evenly.


Add 1 tbsp salad oil to a frying pan and set on medium heat. Place the fish in the pan skin side down. Cook until you see a nice brownish golden color and flip over (a few minutes per side). Turn the heat to low. Soak up the excess oil with some paper towels.

Add the soy sauce mixture to the pan. Cook until the fish looks nice and coated.

Put the fish on a plate and add the ginger on the side for garnish. (I also cooked up some rice to make this more of a meal.)


As you can see, I rewarded myself with an ice cold beer for a job well done. I thought the meal tasted pretty good, but then again, I have pretty unrefined tastes. But hell, I'm just glad I managed not to burn down the apartment.

And look, Ma! No tentacles!

ごみの問題

Let me tell you all about garbage. Garbage in Japan is an epic venture. I fully expect, after the crap I literally had to dig through today, that a full marching band should honor me as I put my bags out by the communal curb tomorrow morning.

To give you an idea of what trash entails, here's an excerpt from a 2005 NY Times article:

***

YOKOHAMA, Japan - When this city recently doubled the number of garbage categories to 10, it handed residents a 27-page booklet on how to sort their trash. Highlights included detailed instructions on 518 items. Lipstick goes into burnables; lipstick tubes, "after the contents have been used up," into "small metals" or plastics.

Take out your tape measure before tossing a kettle: under 12 inches, it goes into small metals, but over that it goes into bulky refuse. Socks? If only one, it is burnable; a pair goes into used cloth, though only if the socks "are not torn, and the left and right sock match." Throw neckties into used cloth, but only after they have been "washed and dried."

One young couple consistently failed to properly sort their trash. "Sorry! We'll be careful!" they would say each time Mr. Kawai [a community volunteer] knocked on their door holding evidence of their transgressions.

At last, even Mr. Kawai - a small 77-year-old man with wispy white hair, an easy smile and a demeanor that can only be described as grandfatherly - could take no more.

"They were renting the apartment, so I asked the owner, 'Well, would it be possible to have them move?' " Mr. Kawai said, recalling, with undisguised satisfaction, that the couple was evicted two months ago.

***

The village I live in has 14 different garbage categories.

First, there is burnable garbage. Apparently I'm supposed to know inherently what materials burn and which do not. Paper burns, right? But certain papers get put in the "paper" category, while others go into "burnable garbage." How do you know which is which? Well, someone at the office showed me a 35-page book today, all in Japanese, that described specifically what items go in each category. Well, most items, at least. I looked at it for a few minutes before I thought my head would explode from all the unreadable kanji. I'm just going to have to wing it.

Plastic wrap goes in the non-burnable "pura" category. Certain plastic bottles are in the "PET" category. Some other plastics are apparently in the non-burnable "pu" category. I think aluminum is "pu," too. Maybe? I have no idea. Milk cartons are to be carefully washed, dried, cut to be flat, and tied up with string. After that, I have no idea what you do with them. Maybe give them as gifts? Glass bottles are "glass," simply enough, but they must be washed, dried, have any plastic caps entirely removed (those are "pura" after all), and labels, of course, are "paper."

Large items are either "charged" (electricity once ran through them) or "large burnable objects." Either of which you have to pay to throw away, which is probably why my apartment is full of random crap that is is broken, but not disposed of. Anything that can apparently hurt you (batteries fall into this category) are only collected every two months. Where you eventually put these hazardous objects, I have no idea. I'm going to have these damn dead batteries forever. In fact, most of these categories are only collected perhaps once a month.

Styrofoam (god, that word looks weird) plates are sorted separately from other styrofoam materials. Why? I may never know. Each category is collected on a different random day of the month, and that day changes each month. Unless you have a schedule, it's a complete mystery as to when you can throw things away. And each category is put into a different type of bag, all of which you have to buy at the local store. FUN!

This is all rather complicated, so let's run through an example, shall we? Today, I bought a bento lunch from the local market. It had rice, salmon, evil pickled god-knows-what, seaweed/bean salad, potato salad, fried fish of some sort, and soy sauce.

Once I was done eating what I wanted to eat (I avoided the seaweed and pickles like the plague), it was time to dispose of my trash.

Let's see. The leftover food was "burnable," so into that bag it went. The plastic packet the soy sauce came in had to be washed, dried, and put into "pura." The chopsticks were wood, so "burnable," but their wrapper was "paper." The little plastic green grass thingies (you've seen them in take-out sushi, I bet) were "pura." The cupcake wrapper the seaweed came in was "pu." The plastic the lunch was wrapped in was "pura." The box and lid itself were washed, dried, and also placed in "pura."

So all in all, my one lunch (the box was about 8" x 10") went into 4 different trash cans. Wheeeeeeee!

And today, I was informed that paper towels were not, in fact, "paper." They're "burnable." So all the nasty towels I used to clean the kitchen when I first arrived had to be located deep in the "paper" bag and moved to a different bin altogether. Disgusting.

However, I'm not the only one frustrated by such an elaborate system. After Yokohama increased its garbage categories, all-purpose public trash cans (no sorting required) were suddenly overflowing. So what did the city do? Why, naturally they removed all public bins. Everywhere. Many other areas in Japan have followed suit in order to encourage "domestic sorting." Perhaps they should make this all into a party game or something. You know, get the whole family in on the action for a rousing round of "where the fuck does the coffee filter go?"

I remember when I went to Kyoto that a bicycle, once parked, would have its basket filled with garbage within minutes. Without trash cans, bike baskets became the next best thing.

This country is crazy.

ようこそ

Hi there, people who are reading this.

I got to Japan about two weeks ago, and I'm ready to go insane.................right about now, I think.

It has proved to be impossible for me to think or speak in Japanese. What a surprise. So all responsibility has been ripped from my life, and I am at the beck and call of my superiors (here, every single person in Japan).

I stamp stuff I don't understand, and nod at comments I can't comprehend. That and the local grocery is overflowing with tentacles. Hence the blog name. Even when you think you're safe with cookies or something, you look down and see that there's a cute little octopus printed right there on the dough.

I hate tentacles. I don't think this is an unusual thing for most Americans. I can imagine quite a few people who would somewhat dislike the gentle suction you can feel on your tongue when the meat is rather fresh. Not to mention that lovely "old tire" texture that, more than anything else, exemplifies the ganbatte "not even a crab latched onto my testicle can stop me now" spirit of Japan.

100 degrees in the summer, you say? No, no...take that air conditioner away. That fan, too. Insulation?! Feh. Barbaric. My job here is not to teach English. No, as a new member of the community, my duty is to suffer with everyone else, and to call out "Hot, isn't it?" approximately 1,000,000 times a day to every person I see.

So, welcome to Japan. It can only go up from here. Right?