ユニクロ

Anyone's who been in Japan for a week probably knows about the store Uniqlo, and now that the brand is expanding, even customers internationally have shopped there. Uniqlo focuses on mostly basics that are bland, but really cheap. I picked up an entire fleece pajama set for about $6 there once. But they occasionally venture into the trendy, and have a section of their website devoted to showcasing these supposed runway fashions. Some of the combinations were so baffling I just felt I had to share. Enjoy.



Wandering around cold, lonely, and manically happy in the woods? Uniqlo has you covered. After all, it's well documented that the torso is the only part of the body that needs heat, so feel free to pair four bulky layers on top (five if you count the waist-tie thing) with thin leggings on the bottom. Don't forget the fur hat and boots, too. Finally, the fashion sense of a six-year-old girl in 1988 has been harnessed for today's rugged and independent woman!



This ensemble is for the modern girl striving to imitate Dicken's erstwhile orphans, or perhaps the intrepid street urchins from Newsies. It's the only way I can rationalize those breeches along with the newspaper (?) clutched just out of sight. The shame in the model's eyes is almost palpable.



Flannel. Two sets of arm warmers. Not one, but two waist-tie ass covers. A fur headdress straight out of the caveman exhibit at the natural history museum. Over-sized pink earmuffs. White leggings. Thigh-highs. Not sure what else to say here.



To look into these eyes is to know DESPAIR.



This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the 18 ass covers strapped to her hips. One of the points of these photos is to show the possibilities of Uniqlo's collection. One fleece alone is nothing special, but seven? Eight? Now that's the ticket. At least she brings her own seat padding with her wherever she goes. Even the humblest rock feels like an expensive sofa thanks to Uniqlo! YES.



A tire-sized cowl neck paired with a purple man-skirt that doubles as a throw rug? GENIUS. I love his expression here. Like you've just interrupted a VERY BIG STAR reading a VERY IMPORTANT SCRIPT. This man is GOING PLACES. Just look at his rings if you have any doubts.



Here we have desperately emo medieval page-boy. With the flannel, two-color tie, and undone shoes, you can tell this is no normal peasant.



Rather it is one particularly prone to swooning.



Not really sure what to say here. I guess Uniqlo is trying to say it's equal-opportunity? Though if I were going to cross-dress, I think I'd go for something flashier or at least a little more STYLISH than Uniqlo. But hell, we can't all look our best while grocery shopping. The bag full of perilously balanced vegetables along with the coquettish pose reminds way too much of Art Frahm, though. Really not the best assocation. But it's the face that gets me the most.




THE FACE.

All right, well, I for one am looking forward to Uniqlo's spring line-up. Less fleece, perhaps, but I'm sure there will be plenty else to enjoy. These trends will undoubtedly take the nation by storm.