猿

As I've probably mentioned before, there's a lot of wildlife here. I nearly ran into a herd of about 10 wild boars with my car the other day, and bears apparently live behind my house, though I haven't seen one yet. I see snakes almost every day, and spiders are all over the place. Monkeys are pretty common, though I hadn't been able to get a decent picture since they tend to come out at dusk (very poor light for pictures) and run away quickly before I can go get my camera. One passed right by my car today while I was searching for my cell phone (it was lost behind the back seat, it turned out), and I followed it until it sat down in a field to eat. I ran to get my camera, and to my surprise, it was still there when I got back! So I snapped some pictures, though since it was dusk, the quality is terrible. I tried to brighten up the pictures with a paint program, but they're still pretty bad. They're called Japanese macaques, in case you're curious.



Anyway, this one was a pretty big male (red balls swinging in the breeze and all). It didn't appreciate the flashes of my camera, and then I made the mistake of looking into its eyes. This is a BAD THING. I was maybe 15 feet away from it while taking photos, and it started running after me after a few pictures. I ran like hell (it was FAST) and managed to make it to my apartment unscathed, thank god. The monkeys are known to attack children and old people, and a nearby English teacher told me about one of her students who has scratch scars on her face from an angry monkey. Yeeks.



Maybe I'll leave photos of wildlife to the professionals for a while. I don't want a monkey to maul my face.

Here's a real macaque taken by a real photographer. One that probably wasn't screaming while fearing for her life.



A friend told me to make friends with the monkey and bring him back to America. I said that I was terrified of the monkey. After all, what if he sandwiched me between his massive, sagging, scarlet balls? I would be so sad.

But then I thought that I would at least be warm. The weather's turning cold, and there's little to no heat here, and nothing's warmer than hairy monkey balls, no siree! In fact, I should manufacture a monkey ball coat. All the old ladies here would go nuts (oh, the pun) over it, I'm sure. The luxury of fur, and warmth of monkey, the potency of primate semen. It's got it all!

My friend, upon hearing this, replied that I obviously needed to get laid.

*sigh*