旅行

Whoa, long time no post. Crippling depression tends to stunt one's literary flare.

Anyway, I went to Kyoto/Osaka this past weekend because I figured it'd be better to be alone in a big city than alone in the land of fish and...more fish. Someone who lives here asked me why I was wasting a year of my youth in this barren place. You know it's bad when even the locals think you're fucking crazy for living among them.

The trip wasn't terribly eventful, though I must say I really hate waking up to vagina in the morning. Why would someone in a youth hostel sleep in the nude without even a blanket or something? I wake up, hear a loud *snooooooooort* of blissful sleep coming from my right, look over, and BAM! Vagina. Right there.

Hosts at gay bars are also really, really friendly, though they'll charge you about a bajillion dollars for food when you try to leave. Like I wanted to eat that weird sesame jell-o anyway. I guess it was our fault for wandering into the gay district without noticing.

I went to some famous aquarium in Osaka when there were also 5,000,000 other bored people wanting to see some fishies. I'm such a good vacation planner. It was also the only spot where I remembered to take out my camera, which meant I took about a thousand pictures. Seriously. I felt I had to make up for lost time.

I stood here for 45 minutes to see some fish, which I can see every day right outside my apartment. My life has reached a new low.

After finally reaching the front of the line and forking over $20, it was time to literally dive through some crowds. Mothers with small children became full-fledged linebackers...fellow tourists were jabbed with elbows and beat with Louis Vuitton bags. Once a path was cleared, the kids were shoved painfully into the aquarium window, given a cell phone, and ordered to "take a good photo for Daddy." Once the picture was secured, the kids were swept off to the next animal. I actually have a bruise from one particularly vicious mother.

Every exhibit looked like this.

My view before fighting my way through the crowd. Repeat this epic struggle about 30 times, and that will give you an idea of my trip.

However, since I can't use my digital camera for shit, all my photos are terrible. But check out a few all the same.

Dolphins drinking the clear, pure blood of the innocent.

After a while, I finally made it to the main tank. It's apparently the biggest tank in the world, which I can believe since it spanned several stories and had a fucking WHALE in it.

Well, a whale shark. Close enough. It was still pretty big though.

Check out the mother/child in the window on the left. That'll give you an idea of the size of this manta ray. The whale shark was around twice the size of this guy.

But the other animals were not to be denied.

A rare photo of a seal after it had, sadly, watched a copy of the tape from "The Ring." Am I the only one who will get this reference? Probably. And I wonder why I have no friends.

A kick-ass sun fish. I love these things. They're about six feet tall, and like to run into plastic walls a lot. Fun!

Um...fish. Lots of fish. I guess that's all I have to say about this one.

JELLY JELLY JELLY JELLY JELLY.

Taking pictures from below makes me feel artsy. I believe this ray's brother was the murderer of one Mr. Irwin. May we all observe a moment of silence.

Osaka Bay. There was a man juggling lit torches behind the building on the right. Alas, he is not visible here, but I thought you should know.

Okay, that's enough damn photos. I pity any of you on dial-up, but I myself am on dial-up, so whatever. Look at the pretty, pretty fishies.